This will not be a happy-go-lucky type blog post. Instead, this will probably turn into a clearing my head from all the frustrations inside so that I can sleep, kind of blog.
Kenneth was gone all week this past week to Atlanta. We spent the weekend together, but with his father and step-mother, so it wasn't really quality time that I have been in so much need of lately. He will also be gone next weekend because he and three or so of his friends are going four-wheeler riding in Tennessee and will pitch a tent that Saturday night and will load up Sunday night coming home, so I will not be seeing him then. Even though I said that it is ok, I am still quite upset about it. I don't want to be selfish, but I just haven't gotten much time with him lately and I know that the weeks to come will prove to be even less time than we have been seeing each other. I say that it is fine for him to go and I am trying to make myself believe that, but deep down inside I hate that he is going. I miss seeing him, I know that we are not going to have much time together after Oct 15 when I start working(he works nights, I will be working days), and I feel that there is so much to be done with the house we are trying to buy and with the wedding that is still not planned... I just feel like I need him to be here with me. Also, we need all the money that we can get between now and then to save for wedding decor and our honeymoon and everything else we will have to buy(i.e. appliances, furniture, bedroom furniture, etc.). So, long story short, I will say that it is ok because I don't want to upset him and I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to take him away from the guys weekend, which I know that he thinks he needs. But, I will stay quiet about.. suck up my frustrations and get over it.
ALSO... when I had my job interview with the clinic in Winfield, the boss said I would get a call that following week about coming to take a drug-test at the hospital next door in which the clinic is funded through. Three weeks later and here I am still waiting for the call to come and take my drug test. I made a call and received a reply from the boss saying that they were finishing up the background stuff and that theyd be calling me in the next few days. So, here I am, putting all my plans on hold because I need to be here in case they call me to come. ARGH! I hope this is not going to be how everything in this facility is ran. Hopefully not because I dont' know how often and how much of this crap that I can handle.
I love the fact that I am going to be married.. even more, I love the fact that it is not going to be long until all of this wedding and bridal shower stuff will be over. I am getting stressed and feel as if no one is taking this stuff seriously because they know that I will take care of it all. Obviously, I am "behind" on the wedding planning.. but obviously, no one has decided to offer a hand or a suggestion or anything! I hope that I don't sound as bad as I think I do because I am just using this blog post for today as my way of venting. Sometimes you just need to vent.
Kenneth and I have already had our raising our voices moment for the night. We 'raised our voices' about the fact that we have stuff to do and that he is going to be gone this weekend and then about the fact at we are not going to have any furniture or anything else for the house and his mother (I love her to death so dont take this the wrong way) wanted to buy us a 32inch tv before my bridal shower. I just think we could use something else more. We didn't fuss but we very much could have when he suggested that his mother and my mother both split a payment for appliance, etc. with us. He said that I shut his idea down because I told him that my mother would not be up for that idea and I don't think I would be either because I don't want to put stuff in our names and then when his mother doesn't have the money to make the payment(not to say that I think that will happen) then we will either have to make the whole payment(which we will not have the money for) or not make the payment and let them come and get our furniture and just let it go on our credit report. I just don't feel very secure in that idea, but I was not shooting down his idea. I just think we need time and we both need to go 'together' to look at our options and find the best deals on all the stuff that we will need before she goes and buys a tv for us instead of something else that we NEED. So, he said that we will go and then I said when (because like I said he is going to be gone this weekend) and he said we will go the next weekend. I really dont think I can let it go for that long because my head is about to explode from worrying about everything that needs to be done. I need to get some of this off of me before it gets the best of me.. just some of it so that I can rest at ease. I think that would have been one of the easiest things I could have gotten off of me, that and the fact that I want him to stay with me this weekend deep down inside, but I guess I can wait until the next weekend.
Last, but definately not least... Kenneth will be gone this weekend. If I have taken my drug test, Jenny and I have to go and get the stuff for my bridal shower on Monday. I start my job on Wednesday. My bridal shower is the weekend after that next. Even if Kenneth and I were to move in together after we get the house (if we get the house), then we will not see each other hardly ever. I will have to get up at least by 6, if not earlier every morning and won't have enough time to come home for lunch.. I will get off of work probably between 5 and 6. I will be able to talk to him, maybe, on his break at 5:30 or possibly on his lunch at 8:30. He wont get home until after 1 every morning from work. When r we going to have a marriage? I mean, I know that we don't see each other a whole lot now, but there are 2-3 times each week that either I will meet him before he leaves for work, or he will come to my house. After I start working, that will be cut out because I will be at work. I just worry, I know.. tell me to shut-up now because you are tired of reading this. ARGHHHH!! I am too stressed!
4 comments:
Ten DEEEEEEEEP breaths...you are going to have a nervous break down girl! Just focus one day at a time....make a list every morning of the things that you will do that day and don't worry about the rest! You and Kenneth will be fine...just keep putting one foot in front of the other! If you ever need to talk you can always call me or Amy! We will be in town in a couple of weekends (will be at the Cordova homecoming game)..let us know if you guys are free. God will never give you more than you can't handle!
I've SO been in your shoes!! I'm a newlywed and my husband works entirely too much and then I run after work (training for a half marathon) and so we don't have a lot of QT together - and like you, I'm a QT type of girl. Seriously, last night I saw him for MAYBE an hour, maybe. Just take one day at a time and look forward to the moments you do spend together - make THOSE moments count. and Pray! Pray that things will change or that God will bring you closer - He listens and has helped me SO much!
As for the wedding stuff, make a small list of stuff to do each day and just get those few items done - order anything you can on the net to save time and call who you can on lunch. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Also, since he'll be gone so much coming up - do wedding stuff during that time too - it will make the days pass quicker and you'll finish stuff up!
Now, the appliances and the MIL - might as well throw in the towel - she's going to buy the tv because she wants her son to have a bright and shiny toy. Maybe she'll see the light and change her mind, but arguing with your soon to be hubbie about it wont help. :) Hang in there.
Dusty is not kidding about the TEN deep breaths thing. He will actually make me stop and do that some times - while he counts no less. We usually end up laughing and the stress all melts away.
NOW.
I know you are worried about not having time together b/c he works nights and you work days...so maybe you can talk to him about having a set lunch date (or two) where he comes to eat with you before he goes in at work?
Ya'll will figure it out...praying for you! One day at a time! (Or you could just elope like we did. KIDDING!)
Ok. Just breathe. It doesn't seem like it will be ok, but it will be. I felt the same way you do.
As far as the quality time together, if you feel like you would like him to stay home, you've got to let him know. Not in a nagging way you know, but just be honest with him...he doesn't know if you don't let him know. In a marriage, you put the other person's needs first. Not to say he doesn't need time with his friends, but all of this shouldn't be on just you to handle it either. Just make sure you talk to him about it, and let him know how you feel, and listen to how he feels. Then work out a plan for seeing each other every week.
About the wedding and stuff...you know I'm here for you! Any suggestions you need or help, that's what I'm here for. Anytime you need to talk, just call me. If I'm at work, leave me a voicemail and I'll call you back. Even if it's just to talk to someone to keep you calm. I'm here. And don't worry about your shower. It's going to be perfect, and so will your wedding.
To help me, I sat down and wrote down every little thing that I had to do. I mean every little thing (you know me...I wrote a note for when I had to write a note for something else...lol). After you write your list, go through your planner...write down everything on that list onto a certain day in your planner when you think that item can get done. And only worry about what you have to do for that day. Don't wake up and try to do something you've planned to do next week. Just get it done day by day. And if it's something someone else can do for you and you don't have the time, call me up. you know I love this wedding planning business. I'm your personal assistant...lol. So don't worry!!! It'll all get done, and you'll find yourself looking for something else to get done. So don't worry! Just think of all the fantastico gifts you're gonna get at the shower (and the cake)!
Post a Comment